


'Shut up' means 'I love you'

by Aggressivewithtoomuchuwus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barista Tsukishima Kei, Coffee Shops, Florist Yamaguchi Tadashi, Flower Shops, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Like a lot of misunderstandings, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Yachi, Suga is a voice of reason, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, haikyuu belongs to Haruichi Furudate, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:34:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aggressivewithtoomuchuwus/pseuds/Aggressivewithtoomuchuwus
Summary: “...Tadashi is, ... he annoys me Suga-san ..” Yamaguchi was paralyzed. That was Tsukki. Tsukki said he annoys him. He felt as if he was slapped in the face so hard for what he heard. It hurt but he can’t even move at all as if there are forces conspiring just for him to hear more.“...I just, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I hate it that he’s still coming to me although it’s clear that I‘m avoiding him..wh—“ Tsukishima continues and Yamaguchi swears that despite the tears that are now blurring his vision and the ringing in his ears, it’s clear as daylight how Tsukishima seems to be having a hard time expressing all his thoughts to Suga. Tsukishima must really hate Yamaguchi. He was right all along. The blond was indeed avoiding him. Yamaguchi makes him uncomfortable and Tsukki hates him. The blond doesn’t want Yamaguchi going near him. Yamaguchi was dying. It hurts so so bad.With the last bit of strength he had, he was finally able to move his feet and he never walked as fast as he did towards his home.------*Haikyuu belongs to Haruichi Furudate
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	'Shut up' means 'I love you'

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This oneshot has become longer than I expected it to be (and way more angsty than I intended waaaaaaahh nvoevvbrez,c cioww). I know the summary probably looks real painful but I promise that Tsukkiyama will definitely get their happy ending! I’m posting this on valentines day after all. This is not beta’ed so I’m sorry in advance if you encounter some errors. Anyways, enjoy reading!
> 
> *All the characters in this story belongs to Haruichi Furudate  
> *Haikyuu belongs to Haruichi Furudate

Yamaguchi just finished his shift in the flower shop and after having the door locked, he started making his way home. It was his first day working in his cousin’s shop given that he only returned in Miyagi two days ago. It’s been how many years when he left for Tokyo to proceed his studies there. Yamaguchi can still remember how sad he was that day because he did not want to leave Miyagi at all but what saddened him more was that he wasn’t able to say goodbye to his friend.

‘I wonder how he’s doing now’ he thought to himself with a small smile. 

While he was still on his way, Yamaguchi felt nostalgic once again. Despite having new establishments and some stores that seemed to have closed forever, nothing much has really changed on the street he used to walk on before, he observed. It was on the corner of the street that he saw a coffee shop that he wasn’t familiar of. Well, it’s been forever since the last time he was here. Yamaguchi decided that maybe he needs some coffee since he just got off work and he wanted to check the place anyway. 

He entered the cafe and moved to fall in line while still checking the place inside. There are only minimal number of customers at this hour. Well, considering that it’s already seven in the evening, it’s understandable. 

“Hey shorty, prepare the customer’s order already. What are you spacing out for again” the guy on the counter said. Yamaguchi thought to himself how soothing that voice was despite of it sounding bored. Yamaguchi was just second in line and so he noticed how tall the counter guy is, although he can’t see his face clearly since his head is bowed down a little.

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT TSUKISHIMA?!” 

“Well, did I lie chibi?”

Wait. WAIT. Did he hear it right? Tsukishima? Tsukishima Kei as in his childhood friend? Yamaguchi suddenly felt his heartbeat quicken. Could he really be Tsukki? He didn’t have enough time and his thoughts were cut short when the person in front of him finally started walking away from the counter after placing their order and now he was finally face to face with the tall guy and it was right there and then that he realized that yes, that is definitely Tsukishima Kei. Yamaguchi felt so excited and he wasn’t able to stop himself but immediately reach out and hug the blond across the narrow counter. “TSUKKI!” he called his childhood friend’s name (well, the nickname he made for him) with glee.

He was completely focused hugging his childhood friend and he was beyond happy that he wasn’t able to hear three people gasp in the backround synchronously as if they practiced doing it before.

“did he just”, Suga  
“call him”, Kageyama  
“Tsukki?”, Hinata

The three asked in disbelief as if they were in a trance. No one can blame them though because never in their life did they hear someone call the salty blond with such nickname that seriously sounds so intimate and seeing this person casually hug Tsukishima is just too shocking for them, given the fact that the blond definitely hates being touched.

“uhm.. excuse me?” Tsukishima asked in a small voice and a tone that definitely sounded like he was shocked by the sudden hug from a stranger. It was then that Yamaguchi realized what he had done and immediately let Tsukishima go. Gosh he feels so embarrassed for what he did but how can anyone blame him? He wasn’t able to contol his emotions and seeing his friend after missing him for how many years just really made him so happy. After a few seconds, Yamaguchi finally came back to his senses and started, “oh I’m sorry Tsukki I got so excited when I saw you. I- uh I’m ---“

“Yamaguchi Tadashi?” Tsukishima asked cutting him off. To say that Yamaguchi was delighted is an understatement. Tsukishima still remembers him and it feels so nice hearing him call his name again after so long.

“Yes! It’s me Tsukki. I just came back here in Miyagi two days ago and I—uhh how are you?” Yamaguchi just feel so excited that he can barely think of what to say to Tsukishima.  
“Oh I’m fine. So, what would you like to order?” Tsukishima asked and Yamaguchi’s smile slowly faded. Is that all really? Isn’t he excited and happy seeing Yamaguchi again?

He remembered that even before, Tsukishima isn’t really the type to carry out long conversations. He can still remember that it was actually him who would always approach Tsukishima and start talking to him, telling Tsukishima stories about his day was and how he saw this really cool anime that the blond might like. It was always like that. Yamaguchi was always the one to do the first move and honestly, he sometimes wondered where he got the confidence of being all friendly with the blond boy when he himself is actually the shy type. He wasn’t friendly and open with anyone before and always kept to himself and this actually one of the reasons why he also got bullied quite a lot until one day, a tall blond kid has saved him from his bullies. The thought that Tsukishima Kei managed to drive his bullies away by just mere words (that are way too salty at that) just amazed young Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

“Pathetic” Tsukishima said. At that time, Yamaguchi wasn’t really sure who the blond was referring to. Was it meant for the bullies or him? Yamaguchi didn’t know but despite this, he was beyond grateful for Tsukishima saving him. That incident was the start of a friendship between the two of them. Yamaguchi used to walk home alone but now, he has a companion in the form of Tsukishima Kei. 

The two of them grew closer and although Tsukishima never admitted and always denied it, he actually acknowledged Yamaguchi as his friend.  
Yamaguchi always enjoyed talking to Tsukishima albeit most conversations were one-sided. Everyday was fun. But when his father announced that they’re gonna have to move to Tokyo because of a new job offer, young Yamaguchi Tadashi had no choice but to leave. It was so sudden and when he actually went to the Tsukishima household the day they had to leave, he was told by the neighbor that Tsukki and his family was out of town and so Yamaguchi wasn’t able to bid his friend goodbye.

Yamaguchi kept sending letters to his childhood friend for the years he was away but he never got a reply. Yamaguchi thought to himself that maybe Tsukki’s really mad at him and now that he was standing face to face with his friend who acted as if he was just another person that he knew from the past, it all dawned on him that maybe he was right. Tsukki is probably mad at him. 

“I’d like one caffe mocha please” he replied. Yamaguchi was still feeling down for how Tsukki acted earlier but honestly, he already guessed the possibility of being treated coldly by his friend if ever they meet again because even before, he already considered that maybe, Tsukishima hated him and that he might not even consider Yamaguchi as his friend anymore. But you see, Yamaguchi isn’t one to easily give up and he was also determined to have Tsukishima forgive him and return to being the Yamaguchi & Tsukishima of before.

“Okay, please wait a little while I prepare your drink” Tsukishima replies as he started to walk away from the counter leaving Yamaguchi.  
“Oi Tsukishima I’m supposed to—“ an orange-haired male complained but was immediately cut off with the blond’s “I’ll do it”.

Hinata being the cheerful and friendly guy that he is, went in the front of the counter and approached Yamaguchi.

“Hi! Are you Tsukishima’s friend? I am Hinata Shoyo by the way!” Hinata extended his hand that was then held by Yamaguchi for a handshake. “Nice to meet you Hinata. I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi.” 

Yamaguchi isn’t sure what to answer to Hinata’s question. Are him and Tsukki still friends? He is not sure on Tsukki’s part but for him, he still considers himself as the blond’s friend and so decided to just answer “..and yeah, I’m Tsukki’s friend.”.

“Woah I’m surprised Saltyshima has a friend” another guy answered behind Hinata which actually startled the two at front.

“Oi Bakageyama stop sneaking!” 

“What now, you scaredycat!” Kageyama countered with vigor that was followed by “Hinata boke”. The two looked like they were about to start a fight when they were suddenly separated by another male with silver hair. 

“Stop it both of you, you’re gonna scare our customer away.” The guy reprimands the two who immediately stops bickering.

“Hey sorry about those two. They tend to bicker at every minute”

“No, it’s fine ah”

“Suga. I’m Sugawara Koushi, the manager. Pleased to meet you Yamaguchi” Suga smiles and Yamaguchi can’t help but smile back. This man really gives off a calming vibes.  
“So you and Tsukishima are friends. This is the first time I saw you though.”

“Oh that’s because I just came back here in Miyagi after like how many years” he replied akwardly. However, after a minute or so, the two became comfortable with each other and shared some things about each other. Suga tells him that his cafe just opened two months ago and Yamaguchi shares that he’s currently working on his cousin’s flower shop since it’s still a few months before classes will resume. The said flower shop is just two blocks away from the cafe and Yamaguchi promised that he’d visit more often since his shift ends early anyway (and also because he’d like to see Tsukki more and try his best to earn his childhood friend’s forgiveness). Suga also tells him how he’d like to visit the flower shop one day as well.

“Hey, I’m just gonna check on Tsukishima. He’s taking too long to prepare your order” Suga walks away with a wave and then right when he was about to call the blond, Tsukishima just happens to finally appear with Yamaguchi’s caffe mocha. He was still not saying anything and can barely look Yamaguchi in the eyes and Yamaguchi feels nervous. Despite this though, Yamaguchi reminded himself that he won’t give up so with great courage, he decided to talk anyway. 

“Hey Tsukki, up till what time is your shift? Wanna go home together?” He asked brightly but no one will ever know how scared and anxious he was at the moment for what the blond will say in reply. 

“The shop closes in an hour.”

“Oh I’ll wait for you t—“

“—it’s fine. You may just go now. I need to be somewhere after this” Tsukishima cuts him off before he was even finished with his sentence and Yamaguchi’s heart may have hurt from that and his reply as well.

“I see. Well I’ll be going now. See you tomorrow Tsukki!” Yamaguchi just smiled and started walking out of the cafe. Once he was finally outside, the facade immediately falls from his face and the smile was now replaced with a frown. Yamaguchi should feel happy that he was finally reunited with Tsukishima whom he missed so damn much but their first meeting just now is just ...painful and despite being aware of the possibility of this outcome before, Yamaguchi was still not prepared for the treatment.  
But no. He won’t give up. Especially for the person that have always been special to him. And so once he was finally home, he developed a plan for tomorrow.  
‘Just wait Tsukki, I’ll try my best to make it up to you. ‘  
__________

Yamaguchi woke up early in the morning and prepared himself with great determination. He first went to his cousin’s flower shop to leave his stuff and prepare the bouquet of flowers which didn’t seem unnoticed by his cousin but decided to just give him a small teasing smile.

“It seems like my dear Tadashi has been reunited with someone huh”

Yamaguchi felt slightly embarrassed for being caught and flushed a little. “yeah. I just hope he’ll like this.” Well he was actually hoping more that Tsukki will actually accept his small gifts. 

With a small box of strawberry shortcake (that he himself made) on his left hand and a bouquet of pink carnations on the other, he made his way towards the coffee shop.  
With the sound of the bell at the entance Tsukishima immediately greeted the supposed customer but suddenly stopped midway in his sentence when he realized who it was.

Yamaguchi, despite the erratic beating of his heart started to walk towards the counter. The shop seems to have just opened and it seems that there aren’t any customer yet and Yamaguchi is glad about this because it means that he may have more minute to at least talk to Tsukishima.

“Good morning Tsukki! I’ve got something for you.” He greets the blond brightly as he hands him the bouquet and places the small box of strawberry shortcake at the counter. He doesn’t miss how Tsukishima’s eyes widened a little and wasn’t able to stop himself but giggle at the reaction. Tsukishima fixed his expression in an instant and cleared his throat. 

“What are these for?” the blond asked. 

Yamaguchi swears he heard someone snicker in the backroom but decided to ignore it.

“It’s strawberry shortcake Tsukki! I made them myself this morning. And the flowers reminded me of you so yeah... I wanted to give them to you. Oh by the way Tsukki,...” Tadashi was internally preparing himself because this is the part where he will actually ask Tsukishima. 

“...when are you free this week? Uhm would you like to hang out? I mean you know, to catch up with each other and—“

“I think my schedule’s full for the week.” Tsukishima replied without even looking at Yamaguchi.

“..oh I see.” Anyone can definitely hear the dissapointment in Yamaguchi’s tone like hell, even a robot would probably notice. But still, he promised himself that giving up is not an option. He shouldn’t let himself be so down about this. Maybe Tsukki is really busy? He can’t possibly be avoiding Yamaguchi right?  
‘or maybe he is’ he thought

“Well, that’s unfortunate. I guess whenever your free then? And I’ll be—“ the sudden ring of his phone caught his attention. It was his cousin telling him that she needed Tadashi’s help in the flower shop already.

“Sorry Tsukki, it seems that I have to get back to the flower shop now. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Oh and I hope you like the cake and the flowers” with a smile and short wave, Tadashi left the cafe and started walking. 

Honestly speaking, he was really disappointed and down. He thought he’ll finally have the opportunity to hang out with Tsukki the way they used to every weekend before. He badly want to know how the blond have been all these years and he also wanted to know the reason why Tsukki never replied to any of his letters. At the back of of his mind, he always had the feeling that Tsukishima is definitely mad and want nothing to do with him anymore. Even the way he acted earlier and the night before were also signs that he’s avoiding Tadashi with all his might. Of course Yamaguchi isn’t stupid not to notice all of these but he still wants to believe that maybe he just can’t get the perfect timing yet or maybe Tsukki’s still adjusting with Yamaguchi being back considering that they’ve been apart for how long. Yamaguchi still wants to believe that one day, they’ll get back to how they used to be. Yes, he can still make it right. For Tsukki.  
\------

To say that Tsukishima is suffering is an understatement because he’s not just suffering but probably dying. It is to no one’s knowledge that he misses Tadashi so much that it takes everything in his power to not actually hug the freckled boy so tight in every opportunity he has. What happened last night, with him meeting his childhood friend after how many years still seems like a dream to him. No one can blame him though especially when almost everyday since Tadashi left, he’s been thinking about him nonstop and no, he’d rather die than admit how he actually cried at times when he misses Yamaguchi so bad but he’s not there anymore. 

He still remembers that day when he came home with his parents and their neighbor telling him that his friend Yamaguchi went to his house earlier but he was’t around and gave him a letter with his name at the front. 

Yamaguchi left for Tokyo to continue his studies there. Tsukishima had been acting apathetic for at least a week but the sudden and big change in his life was just hard not to think about. He was tired of acting that he was fine not having Yamaguchi around him anymore. He never even said they were friends anyway. It was just the freckled boy who kept insisting that they were. But boy, does he feel so sad. Later that year, Tsukishima finally received another letter from Yamaguchi and although he was acting all chill about it, his brother Akiteru knew him better no matter how hard he tries to deny how excited and happy he is for receiving that letter.

He was just about to write a reply to Yamaguchi when he suddenly remembered that it was also that day that his brother would have a match and despite Akiteru telling him not to come, Tsukishima Kei, decided to follow him after all without his brother’s knowledge.

His heart broke that day. Akiteru have been lying to him all this time. Tsukishima Kei have never felt even more down at that time. He felt bitter disappointment, betrayal, and he felt pathetic. 

He wished there was someone who can give him company. He wished Yamaguchi was still there with him. He knows that even if he doesn’t actually tell Yamaguchi the reason why he’s crying, the boy would still stay with him giving him comfort. But this is impossible right now with him gone. 

Tsukishima still kept receiving letters from Yamaguchi despite him never responding. And he doesn’t know why but he felt that Yamaguchi doesn’t deserve to have a friend as pathetic as he is. He also felt bad that he wasn’t able to send him a reply even once. Tsukishima felt so horrible. And maybe it was because he was currently at his worst and kept all the pain and insecurities he felt to himself, he decided to not give any reply to Yamaguchi at all. 

‘One day, he’ll get tired and will probably forget about me after all but it’s probably the best. I don’t deserve someone so kind like Yamaguchi’

Tsukishima Kei have been convincing himself this for how many years. Yes, he never replied but he actually read all the letters sent to him and later on realized how he kept missing his childhood friend more and more to the point that when he turned 16 he wondered if what he feels for Yamaguchi is only the platonic kind. 

‘It doesn’t matter, he won’t be coming back anyway’ is what he’ll say to stop his thoughts from going deeper and wishing for something that is impossible.

He never thought that he’ll actually see his friend again that’s why when the freckled boy appeared last night and hugged him while calling him ‘Tsukki’ (and yes he’s the only one who calls him that because anyone who tries other than Yamaguchi will be in threat of being buried six feet under by no other than Tsukishima Kei himself), it almost felt like a lucid dream because there’s no way that Yamaguchi is actually back.

“uhm.. excuse me?” he asked. And when it finally dawned on him that yes, it is indeed Yamaguchi Tadashi, he felt like he stopped breathing all of a sudden.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi?” Tsukishima can’t believe it.

“Yes! It’s me Tsukki. I just came back here in Miyagi two days ago and I—uhh how are you?” Gosh, he still have that beautiful smile. Tsukishima suddenly felt overwhelmed and he doesn’t really know how to act or breathe at the moment. Although deep in his heart he hoped for this, never did he expect to actually meet Yamaguchi once again and so in his panic, he just replied with a simple and hasty “Oh I’m fine. So, what would you like to order?” 

Yamaguchi was clearly disappointed with his reply and he looked defeated but the freckled boy was fast in fixing his expression. Tsukishima felt bad and thought that he need to get out of this current situation or he might pass out. And so he decided to prepare Yamaguchi’s order and immediately cut off Hinata who’s supposed to be the one preparing it.  
No one knew how hard he tried to calm himself in the backroom for a while and when he finally got out to give Yamaguchi’s order he already looked calm to everyone in the cafe. If only they knew how he really feels. 

Yamaguchi offered to join him in walking home together but Tsukishima is absolutely not ready (he thinks he never will) for any of this and he’s still in shock so going out and being together with Yamaguchi any longer than the current situation would be really bad and so he lied again that he need to be somewhere after his work.

Later that night in his room, Tsukishima can hardly sleep with Yamaguchi still in mind. Maybe he did the right choice of not going home with Yamaguchi right? But damn, he really miss him and honestly, he feels so bad that despite him being the shitty friend who never replied to any of Yamaguchi’s letters, Yamaguchi didn’t seem to mind that fact with how he acted earlier in the cafe. Yamaguchi is supposed to hate him and forget about him but he felt as if it is still the same Yamaguchi Tadashi he met in his childhood. 

And now with flowers and his favorite strawberry shortcake in hand, he feels like his heart is gonna burst anytime soon. He felt like crying because it was so obvious how Yamaguchi is trying to get Tsukishima to hang out with him and talk. ‘Why Yamaguchi? Just why? I’m such a horrible person and you still want to talk to me? After everything I did (or did not do)?’ is what he thought. He doesn’t deserve him at all and this is so bad. 

Tsukishima thought to himself that maybe the best solution is just to avoid Yamaguchi. ‘Maybe in that way, he’ll get tired of me.’  
\-------

It was a fine Wednesday morning that Yamaguchi found himself slumped in the counter while looking at the variety of flowers neatly arranged around the shop. It was still quite early and he was actually there earlier than his cousin Yachi who is surprisingly late. He was still in thought about his visit on the cafe and was still thinking about Tsukki, and how stupid of him to actually forget to at least ask for the blond’s number. 

‘if I only had his number, I would be able to at least get in touch with him even without having to meet each other’ Yamaguchi can’t help but groan in despair. He was interrupted in his inner thoughts by the sound of the bell chime at the entrance indicating a newcomer. 

“Suga-san!” 

“Good morning Yamaguchi. How are you?” Suga asked brightly as he made his way towards the set of flowers arranged in one corner with Yamaguchi following behind him. 

“I’m fine Suga-san. You’re buying flowers today?”

“Yeah. I’m buying them for my boyfriend. It’s actually our second anniversary today and I wanted to surprise him” Suga happily explained and Yamaguchi can clearly see how fond the man is for his lover with the way he brightens while sharing the information. 

Suga suddenly paused in a row of Tulips as he turned to look at Yamaguchi. “I hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable Yamaguchi” 

“Oh no no, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable in any way at all. I’m actually attracted with both” Yamaguchi shyly explains, waving his hand with slightly flushed cheeks.  
Suga chuckled, slightly amused with the response. 

“I’m glad”.

After a few minutes or so, Suga was finally done with choosing the flowers with Yamaguchi’s help. The two proceeded in the counter where Yamaguchi will make the bouquet. 

“So, how are you and Tsukishima?” Suga asked slowly as if he was testing the waters. Yamaguchi paused for a moment. He doesn’t exactly know how to explain their current situation but Suga seemed to know something that Yamaguchi doesn’t. 

Despite meeting Suga and the fact that their friendship is still new, Yamaguchi actually felt comfortable with the guy and so without the full intention, he ended up telling everything to Suga. He told him about how him and Tsukki met in their childhood up to the point where he actually had to leave for Tokyo. He even found himself telling Suga about his letters which were all left unresponded to.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry Suga-san I think I might’ve overshared I’m so sorry—“ Yamaguchi suddenly felt embarrassed when he realized that he’d been talking for quite a while now with the silver haired man just listening. He wasn’t able to stop himself since it’s the first time that he actually talked about his feelings and experiences to someone who he actually finds trustworthy and calming. 

“Hey no it’s alright Yamaguchi! Don’t worry. I’m actually glad that I get to know you and Tsukishima more. That guy doesn’t talk much after all. He’s too secretive” Suga explains and looks really interested. He was still smilling when he suddenly paused and seemed to have recalled something.

“Wait Yamaguchi” he starts.

“OH MY GOSH I KNEW IT! YOU’RE THE FLOWER GUY!” Suga exclaimed and despite being startled by the sudden excitement by the other, Yamaguchi swears that he can actually see sparkles in Suga’s eyes as if the said man found his eureka moment or solved a mystery.

“Flower guy? What do you mean Suga-san?” 

“You’re the one who gave him those pink carnations yesterday aren’t you?” Yamaguchi turned beet red with the other’s realization and looked away before admitting that yes, it was indeed him.

“Yeah, I gave him those flowers and the strawberry shortcake” he shyly admits and Suga was delighted even more and almost pinched Yamaguchi’s cheeks gushing on how cute of Yamaguchi’s sweet actions toward Tsukishima.

“I don’t know if he liked them though. I mean, I really wanted to talk to him you know. Like hang out once again and just know how he’s been all these years. But something tells me that he’s avoiding me. But I just miss him so bad and I really wish we could have what we had back then. Oh no, now that I think about it, maybe giving him the flowers was a little extra? The strawberry shortcake was fine since I know it’s his favorite. Oh my I think he actually didn’t li—“ Yamaguchi is now rambling at this point and Suga stopped him, looking concerned.

“Calm down Yamaguchi, it’s fine. Look I totally get your point. I may not know what Tsukishima actually feels and what could possibly be in his mind but I am definitely sure that he doesn’t hate you at all. He’s doesn’t talk much as I observed but his actions definitely tells me something. You know Yamaguchi, I think that the two of you should really talk this out.”

Suga doesn’t tell Yamaguchi but he actually made a plan to have the two finally get a chance to be alone together and finally talk and sort things out. He’s a good friend and he will do anything he can to help the two childhood friends (which he secretly calls ‘childhood sweethearts’ in his head).

“And oh! About the flowers. I just arrived at the coffee shop that day and I was about to go in the backroom to leave my things when I suddenly heard someone giggle inside. Of course it definitely wasn’t Kageyama or Hinata since the two were actually bickering while arranging the chairs and tables when I got inside, so who else could it be? Yes it was Tsukishima Kei. It was one of those moments that he actually expresses what he truly feels when he thinks no one can see him...”

Yamaguchi suddenly smiled fondly. He remembered how Tsukki is really like what Suga describes even when they were still little. Always wearing a strong and apathetic facade and masking his own feelings but Yamaguchi knew his friend. It was really hard for Tsukishima to lie to him because Yamaguchi always knew. And honestly, he wish that he also knew what is currently going on with Tsukishima right now but he doesn’t have any idea of what could be the real reason for the blond to act coldly and avoidant towards him.

“...and you know what I saw? He was smilling at the pink carnations you gave him and I swear I am not mistaken. He really was smilling fondly.” Suga finished. 

Hearing what Suga said made Yamaguchi’s heart warm. Tsukki liked the flowers! It means that he doesn’t actually hate Yamaguchi. There has to be another reason for the cold shoulder then and Yamaguchi is more than willing to find out. He suddenly feels more courage and determination now. He’s not going to give up on Tsukki!

The two talked more for a few minutes when someone suddenly barged into the door with a person who looked like she ran a marathon.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry Tadashi! I set the wrong alarm and woke up late so—oh you have a customer” The girl suddenly felt embarrassed, hit by the realization that there’s actually someone inside the shop other than his cousin.

“Don’t worry Yachi, it’s alright. And this is Suga-san by the way. He owns the coffee shop two blocks from here. Suga-san this is my cousin Yachi Hitoka. Her family owns this flower shop” Yamaguchi introduced the two and they both smiled. 

“Hey Yamaguchi, I gotta go now but here...” Suga hands him a piece of paper with an address written.

“Daichi and I are going to have a part-two celebration of our second anniversary this Friday at 8 p.m. Your Tsukki will be there. I’ll be waiting for you and Yachi-san” Suga says before waving his goodbye with a bright smile and finally exits the shop.

Yamaguchi swears he felt hot all over that it actually alarmed Yachi a little with how flushed he looked after hearing what Suga said. 

‘your Tsukki’ 

“Hey Tadashi! Are you okay?” Yachi asks once again and finally this time Yamaguchi came back to his senses.

“Y-yeah I am fine.” He answered, still flustered.

“Okay, listen. We are going to close early today and we’re going to look for your outfit for the party”. Yachi suggested excitedly that Yamaguchi was actually shocked that his cousin seems to be more excited for him. 

“But it’s still Wednesday and why do we need to look for an outfit?” he asked

“Oh come on, do you even need to ask why? Well, as Suga-san said, ‘your Tsukki’ will be there and this is a chance for you guys to finally talk-talk. You know what I mean” Yachi replied determinedly, ignoring the fact that Tadashi just turned even redder after mentioning the ‘your Tsukki’ again. 

Despite the rapid beating of his heart, Yamaguchi was about to protest when he was suddenly stopped by Yachi once more. “No buts Tadashi! We are going to do what I said. Please trust me on this”

Yamaguchi just nodded with a sigh.  
\-------

“No Yachi whyyyyy” Yamaguchi cries still begging Yachi to go with him to the party. It’s finally Friday night and the two were supposed to attend Suga and Daichi’s celebration but Yachi said that she already promised her mother to help her design something for work and that she only remembered it now. 

“I’m so sorry Tadashi but I already promised Mother and you know how she is.” Yachi apologizes still holding her cousin’s hand. 

It’s not that Yamaguchi can’t go there alone. He just feels a little nervous because aside from the fact that there will probably be new faces there at the party, Tsukki will also be there. Yachi fully understands what Yamaguchi feels for his childhood friend and having her cousin there support him would definitely make him feel better. But because of the inevitable circumstance, he’ll have to go to the party alone. 

“Okay then” he sighs.

“Just wish me luck Yachi.” 

“Yeah dear cousin and don’t worry, you’ll be fine promise! Go talk to your Tsukki” Yachi enouraged him brightly.

“Seriously though, please stop with the teasing” he flushed.

“Okay now, be on your way and I shall also prepare for mother. Please tell Suga-san sorry and congratulations.” 

“Sure, I will. Bye Yachi” with one last wave, Yamaguchi made his way.

Yamaguchi was welcomed by Sugawara at the front door who immediately introduced him to everyone in the room. There were quite a number of people inside which consisted of Suga and Daichi’s former classmates and co workers. It was a lively bunch Yamaguchi can say.

He was talking to Hinata when suddenly the front door opened and there he was, the guy that Yamaguchi has been waiting for. The two of them locked eyes and for a split second, Yamaguchi swears he saw Tsukki’s eyes widened as if he did not expect Yamaguchi to be there at all. 

“Hey you stingyshima what took you so long? The strawberry shortcake would be devoured whole in a minute or so if you came even more late!” Hinata says with a voice louder than it should be.

Tsukishima did not mind though and made his way to them but still not acknowledging Yamaguchi. 

“Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi greets. ‘hey what? What now yamaguchi come on think of something’. He can’t help but panic a little because despite having many things he wanted to tell the blond, now that it’s in front of him, he can no longer seem to find the right words to say.

Tsukishima glanced at him and replied with a simple “hi”

Yamaguchi was starting to feel akwardly nervous and Hinata who was still with them probably felt the sudden change and decided to leave the two as quiet as possible.

“So uhm.. wanna eat strawberry shortcake?” Yamaguchi swears that he want to bang his head on the closest wall for being this akward or for the ground to just swallow him whole but he promised not to waste this chance to finally talk to Tsukki.

The blond nodded and they decided to go where the food is. After getting strawberry shortcakes, the two eyed the room and it seems that every space were already occupied. Yamaguchi knew how Tsukishima didn’t like being around with so many people especially when he’s eating and so with a small smile, he suggested that they go to the front porch.

They were seated beside each other with a good distance between them when it’s Yamaguchi who talked first.

“I see you still love strawberry shortcakes huh”

“Mn. And you’re still observant Yamaguchi” Tsuskishima replied with a teasing smirk and no one will ever know how Yamaguchi’s heart felt warm hearing Tsukki call his name once again.

“Old habits die hard after all.”

The two continued eating and were covered with a moment of silence with some noises in the backround coming inside the house.

They continued talking for a while about anything. They talked about how Tsukishima decided to work at the cafe for a part time job during this break and Yamaguchi shared some stories about him as well, stories about some weird customers he met in the flowershop. At some point, Yamaguchi saw Tsukki smile. It’s that smile of his when he gets carried away with his stories that he actually don’t notice he’s already smilling. He feels so happy that he get to see this expression on Tsukki again.

Yamaguchi missed this so much. Missed being with Tsukishima and sharing a peaceful silence of the night. He missed Tsukki.

“Hey Tsukki...” he paused as the blonde glanced at him.

“How have you been all these years?” Yamaguchi finally asked. 

He noticed how Tsukishima suddenly halted and put down his plate containing the cake at his side.

Tsukishima was still not answering and Yamaguchi thought that there really has to be something that happened that he was not aware of. He worried for the blond and was scared that he’ll ruin this chance of finally talking with Tsukishima. 

“Tsukki are you alright? I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable, I- gosh I’m so stupid. Look Tsukki, I—“ 

“—I gotta go.” Yamaguchi was suddenly cut off by Tsukishima who is now standing to his feet and was about go when Yamaguchi held his hand.

“w-wait Tsukki, I’m sorry please.. don’t go I please.” Yamaguchi didn’t notice but there were actually tears that are starting to slide down his cheeks. But Tsukishima noticed this in his voice. Using his other hand, the blond removed Yamaguchi’s grip and finally walked away.

It didn’t take long before Yamaguchi made his way home as well without even saying goodbye to Suga and Daichi. He felt awful for his actions but he was more sad and hurt at the moment. He fucked up real bad. Everything was going well already but then he just had to ask that question again despite knowing that something bad must’ve happened before and the subject obviously still affects Tsukishima. But he let his curiousity get better of him. Tadashi feels horrible. He was selfish to Tsukishima. Maybe he shouldn’t have jumped to that question all of a sudden. He should’ve been more patient and waited for Tsukki to just tell him what really happened to him all those years on his own when he’s finally ready. Yamaguchi cried his heart out that night and he certainly wasn’t able to sleep at all.  
\--------

After everything that happened that Friday night, Yamaguchi decided to visit the coffee shop on Monday with a small bouquet of purple hyacinths in hand. Once he entered, Suga immediately saw Yamaguchi and walked towards him. Yamaguchi was about to say sorry when he was suddenly enveloped in a hug by Suga. Yamaguchi felt guilty but also relieved that the man doesn’t seem to be mad at him. 

“I am so sorry for leaving unannounced last Friday Suga-san. Something happened and ...”

“Its’s alright Yamaguchi. And you don’t have to apologize or explain really. I saw you and Tsukishima actually” Suga slowly admits.

Now that the blond was mentioned, Yamaguchi looked around but he can’t see Tsukishima anywhere. 

“Tsukishima isn’t here yet. He said he’ll be late for today.” Yamaguchi felt slightly disappointed although he already expected not to see the blond so soon. He wanted to apologize to Tsukishima but a small part of him knew that it’s probably better to give Tsukishima all the time he needs.

“I see. Then Suga-san, can you please give this to him” Yamaguchi handed Suga the bouquet who just gave him a reassuring smile.

“Okay, I will.”  
Yamaguchi gave him a small smile then proceeded out of the door.

‘I’m gonna have to talk to Tsukishima’ Suga thought while still looking at the sad figure walking out of the cafe.  
\--------

A week has passed but Yamaguchi still didn’t have a chance to apologize to Tsukishima. This worries and saddens him more especially because he keeps waiting everyday for the blond. He wanted to visit the cafe so bad just so that he can see him and apologize. But he knew that if Tsukishima wanted to talk to him, he would’ve done it already. Yamaguchi included a small card in the bouquet of flowers he gave Tsukki after all.

“Tsukki, I am so sorry for what happened last Friday. I wish I could make it up to you if you’d let me. I’m just so sorry Tsukki.” The small letter says.

Yamaguchi was interrupted in his thoughts when a new customer entered and had to assist them. Yachi was still on her phone so he prepare the flowers for the customer. 

“Sorry about that Tadashi, mother asked about the designs.”

“It’s fine Yachi. And besides I also work here you know.”

“But..” Yachi actually wanted her cousin to just rest for a while since he’s been doing all the work the day before because Yachi needed to go somewhere. She knows something bad happened with party though because it is very obvious with how her cousin is acting. 

Yamaguchi was slumping in the counter when he suddenly stood up remembering something.

“Oh no. I forgot to give my gift for Suga-san and Daichi.” 

“What?! But I thought you already gave it to them”

“No I haven’t yet coz I forgot to bring it. Shit I’m so stupid.” Yamaguchi was panicking a little for having forgotten to give his gift for the couple and a week has already passed since the party. 

“Hey, Tadashi calm down. You can still give it to them now. Since it’s Sunday, we’re closing the shop this lunch right.” Yachi suggested and this calmed Yamaguchi down a little.

“You’re right. I’ll just get it from home and bring it to their house myself.” Yamaguchi has really been distracted for days that he only remembered about the gift now and he feels really embarrassed for having to give it to the couple this late.

Right after closing the shop, Yamaguchi immediately walked home. He glanced inside the cafe as he passed by it and he wasn’t able to stop himself but miss Tsukki again.

After picking up his gift, Yamaguchi then made his way towards Suga and Daichi.  
\--------

He was about to knock on the door when he arrived but he halted his hand mid-air when he heard something inside. Maybe he should just come back later right? Suga seems to have a visitor. Yamaguchi was about to turn his back when he suddenly heard him. 

There is no mistaking. The person’s voice definitely belonged to Tsukishima. Yamaguchi missed his voice and wanted to hear more of it but he knows that it’s not right to eavesdrop so he decided that it’s best to just go but before he can even take another step, he halted once again because he heard his name. He wondered if the two were talking about him.

“...Tadashi is, ... he annoys me Suga-san ..” Yamaguchi was paralyzed. That was Tsukki. Tsukki said he annoys him. He felt as if he was slapped in the face so hard for what he heard. It hurt but he can’t even move at all as if there are forces conspiring just for him to hear more.

“...I just, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I hate it that he’s still coming to me although it’s clear that I‘m avoiding him..wh—“ Tsukishima continues and Yamaguchi swears that despite the tears that are now blurring his vision and the ringing in his ears, it’s clear as daylight how Tsukishima seems to be having a hard time expressing all his thoughts to Suga. Tsukishima must really hate Yamaguchi. He was right all along. The blond was indeed avoiding him. Yamaguchi makes him uncomfortable and Tsukki hates him. The blond doesn’t want Yamaguchi going near him. Yamaguchi was dying. It hurts so so bad.

With the last bit of strength he had, he was finally able to move his feet and he never walked as fast as he did towards his home. 

Yamaguchi thought before about the possibility that the blond was mad at him but hearing it from Tsukishima himself just hurt many more times. He was heartbroken and he never felt this hopeless. He felt pathetic, a loser. Maybe when Tsukishima said “pathetic” at that time where he was saved from his bullies, it was actually meant for him. He really is a loser. How bold of him to assume that Tsukishima would actually want to be associated with someone like him. It hurts so bad and Yamaguchi can’t do anything but cry and blame himself. He really lost his bestfriend (or maybe he never had one to begin with) but what hurts Yamaguchi more is that it is also right at this moment that he realized that what he feels for the blond is more than what a friend should. He loves him more than that. Great. He’s in love someone who actually hates him. Pathetic right.  
\--------

Tsukishima feels awful. Just when he had finally had the chance to explain himself to Yamaguchi, he still managed to fuck everything up. Why is he still scared of telling Yamaguchi the truth? Suga told him that Yamaguchi thinks he’s mad and that’s why he’s avoiding him. Tsukishima wanted to clear that up. He isn’t mad at Yamaguchi at all. He was mad at himself. He should’ve just explained everything to Yamaguchi but seeing how he was actually trying his best to act like everything was fine, how Yamaguchi would attempt to lighten up the mood and mask his concern or hurt with a smile, Tsukishima wasn’t able to stop himself from feeling even more guilty and horrible. Yamaguchi is so kind and he was obviously trying his best for Tsukishima. But getting asked by that question made him remember how much of a shitty friend he was for how he treated Yamaguchi. He felt even more bad. He’s been nothing but an asshole yet Yamaguchi was still trying. And that’s why he decided that leaving was probably the best choice at that time. 

Hearing Yamaguchi’s voice and realizing that he was actually crying while holding his hand broke Tsukishima but no, he doesn’t deserve Yamaguchi at all. And so despite the pain he was feeling, he still left Yamaguchi that night.

“...oi Stingyshima! Can you not hear me? I said we’re closing the shop already” Hinata informs. His current predicament is really affecting him and Tsukishima has been distracted for days now. Everyone in the shop noticed this but decided not to pry.

Tsukishima was in the middle of gathering his things when Suga called out for him. 

“Hey Tsukishima, will you please help me carry this boxes at home? Daichi was supposed to pick me up but apparently he needed to attend a meeting. “ Suga asked, waiting for the blond’s reply.

“Sure, it’s fine”.

It didn’t take long until they finally reached Suga’s home. After dropping the boxes inside, Tsukishima seated in the couch to take a little rest and Suga followed after with a glass of water in hand. 

“Tsukishima, something’s clearly bothering you.” Suga starts. Unbeknownst to Tsukishima, the man actually planned to talk to him about this. He wanted to help the blond and Yamaguchi in any way he can.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah it is. Is this about Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima looked up and finally glanced at Suga. He didn’t need to say anything though because Suga already knew he was right just looking at Tsukishima’s reaction.

“Actually, Yamaguchi told me about the two of you. And I honestly wonder as well why you’re avoiding him.” Suga states gently. 

“And I know it’s probably not my place to ask this but from what I see, it’s not only Yamaguchi who’s suffering but you as well.”

Normally, Tsukishima would never share nor express his thoughts and feelings to anyone easily but Suga is different. Suga is one of the few friends that already gained Tsukishima’s trust and respect and although he’ll never admit it, Suga is already like a brother to him. And so Tsukishima told him everything. He even told him about what happened with Akiteru and the years that followed after the incident. He told him how he felt so bad and pathetic, that he even thought that it’s better for Yamaguchi to just forget about him that’s why he never replied to any of his letters at all.

“I really thought that he’ll finally stop you know. I thought that he’ll get tired of me one day. I mean why would you still talk to someone who is a literal asshole towards you right. But he still sent me letters non-stop until he finally did stop a month ago. And I hate to admit but I still waited for it like a fool. But then I thought that maybe he finally got tired. Although it saddened me, I also felt relieved that Yamaguchi’s finally freeing himself from someone like me but then he just appeared at the cafe all of a sudden that it almost felt like a dream to me.” Tsukishima sounds clearly broken and his hands were even shaking a little as he held the glass of water to drink.

“Tsukishima, tell me. What do you really feel for Yamaguchi?” Suga suddenly asked and it’s actually a good thing that Tsukishima has finally put the glass down the table already because Tsukishima would’ve probably lose hold of it after being taken aback by the sudden question.

“What I feel for Yamaguchi?...” Tsukishima paused for a while and took a deep breath as he was contemplating.

“...Tadashi is, ... he annoys me Suga-san ..” Suga was clearly shocked with the reply but he let the man continue.

“...I just, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I hate it that he’s still coming to me although it’s clear that I‘m avoiding him..why would he still want to talk to me after everything I did? But then I realized, that the reason why he annoys me is because I’m trying to push him away but still keep on coming back. And yes I admit that I want what is best for him, but I also want to be selfish and be a part of his life again. It makes me feel even more bad you know and I can’t stop myself from treating him worse instead. Gosh I’m so stupid. I’m a stupid asshole who actually loves someone who’s exactly the opposite of me. Someone I don’t deserve to have. “ Tsukishima just feel so tired with himself at thi point. He’s so frustrated and he thinks he’s probably going crazy.

“Tsukishima listen to me. Look, I totally understand why you’d feel that way but don’t you think that it’s also unfair for Yamaguchi that you are making all these decisions yourself? And also, I know I only met Yamaguchi recently but I assure you, he would never think of you that way because you seem really important to him. He misses you as much as you miss him.” 

“But... I don’t know what to do.” 

“Talk to him Tsukishima. Talk to Yamaguchi and tell him the truth. Trust me on this” 

Tsukishima tries to deny it but he actually felt a small hope from what Suga had told him. He badly wants to talk and make up with Yamaguchi. Maybe it’s alright for him to be selfish one more time right. He just wish for Yamaguchi to give him one more chance.  
\---------

After sorting his feelings and thoughts, Tsukishima woke up the next morning, got ready for work, and made his way to the coffee shop with great determination. He planned to finally talk to Yamaguchi after he finish his shift. 

Tsukishima was deep in thought and was spacing out most of the day that it actually worried even Hinata and Kageyama who are usually bickering but are now whispering to each other.

“Stop whispering to each other and get back to work” Suga interrupted the two who were still clutching their chest after getting startled by the manager behind them.

“Suga-san please don’t do that! We were just wondering what’s going on with Saltyshima” Hinata defends.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure he’s just getting himself ready for hi Prince” Suga replies with wink and the two just managed to reply a synchronised “Huuuuh?”

Tsukishima was still in his thoughts when somebody pat his shoulder. It was Suga. “You can do it Tsukishima”.  
\---------

Hours passed and it was finally the end of his shift and Tsukishima feels his heart in a rapid beating. He feels really nervous but there’s no going back now. He will finally tell Yamaguchi everything.

With one last step, Tsukishima took a breath and finally opened the door.

“Sorry we’re about to cl—“ Yamaguchi wasn’t able to finish his sentence when he realized who the person in front of him was.

Tsukishima’s hands were shaking a little but with great courage, he managed to smile a little. He expected Yamaguchi to be delighted by his arrival but the other was still staring at him. Tsukishima thinks that maybe he was really shocked that he came there himself.

“Tsukishima-san, I’m sorry but it’s already time to close the shop.” Yamaguchi starts, not even looking at him. Tsukishima did not expect this kind of response at all. The way Yamaguchi was acting seemed that he really did not want the blond there at all. And he called him Tsukishima-san. When did Yamaguchi ever been this formal to him?

“Look, uhh Yamaguchi. Can we talk?” It took Tsukishima great courage to ask the other. Yamaguchi glanced at him before looking away with a bitter smile.

“I just told you, it’s closing time already. If you want help with flowers to pick or something, Yachi’s here tomorrow to help you.” Tsukishima doesn’t know who Yachi is but he didn’t focus on that because something is definitely wrong with Yamaguchi.

“I didn’t come for the flowers. I wanna talk to you Yamaguchi... so please---“

“—I’m going home after I close the shop so I’ve no time”

“We can talk along the way? I mean we can go home together if it’s okay” Tsukishima suggested but the other just laughed bitterly in return.

“Now, you wanna walk home together? I thought you wanted to avoid me so bad Tsukishima-san. What exactly do you want to talk about huh?” Tsukishima was confused with what’s happening. Why did Yamaguchi sound so bitter cold.

“Look, do you really want to tell me off so bad Tsukki—Tsukishima-san? Because you know, I’ll have to tell you that there’s really no need to. I get it, okay. I totally do.” Yamaguchi was clearly trying his best to act tough but his eyes definitely betrayed him. There were already tears forming and Tsukishima is still confused but he is really worried.

“What? I don’t understand Yamaguchi what do you---“

“I heard you Tsukishima-san. I already know the truth. I know you’re mad at me and how you hated that I was trying so hard to talk to you or to be near you at all. You hated me all this time right? I would be lying if I say that it didn’t hurt hearing all of those from you. I mean I already know I’m pathetic, a sore loser who you don’t want to be associated with but I am such a fool for still thinking that maybe this is not true at all. I’m so stupid. It’s probably the reason why you never replied to any of my letters. I am so so sorry Tsukishima for making you feel uncomfortable and I am so sorry for pushing myself to you.” Yamaguchi explains as his tears finally started rolling down his cheeks despite him trying to keep them from doing so. Tsukishima was beyond worried but he can’t move at all. Yamaguchi heard his conversation with Suga but it seems that he only heard a part of it. Tsukishima wanted to explain everything but he felt horrible and seeing Yamaguchi broken because of him hurt the most.

“N-no Yamaguchi, you don’t understand. Please listen to me, I—“

Tsukishima was interrupted by the sound of the backdoor opening.

“Please get away from Tadashi Tsukishima-san” A girl with short blonde hair immediately stood in front of Yamaguchi and despite their height difference, Tsukishima actually felt intimidated.

“Look Yamaguchi, you’re misunderstanding, please listen to me first”

“Can’t you see Tsukishima-san? Tadashi don’t want you here so please—“

Yamaguchi held Yachi’s hand signalling her to stop, before giving Tsukishima a glance.

“Please leave Tsukishima-san” Tsukishima felt defeated and Yamaguchi asking him to leave was the last line. Maybe he deserved this after all. He’s reaping what he sow. He wanted Yamaguchi to avoid him and now that it’s happening he realized once again that he doesn’t want that at all. He fucked everything up and there is no one to blame but himself. 

With one last glance, Tsukishima turned around walked out of the door.  
\---------

If Tsukishima was distracted the day before, he was much worse today. He clearly can’t focus with work and he kept making mistakes in taking the customers orders. Thankfully, Hinata was there to cover for him.

Suga noticed this so he called Tsukishima over at the back room. 

“Something happened yesterday and I can tell it’s still bothering you.” 

“Suga-san I need to get back to work.”

“No, you don’t. You are clearly distracted. How did yesterday go? Were you not able to talk with Yamaguchi?” the manager asked slowly, his tone laced with concern.  
Tsukishima sighed. He should just tell Suga what really happened. The man was right anyway. He’s still thinking about yesterday.

“I fucked up Suga-san. Yamaguchi heard our conversation but apparently, he didn’t hear everything because all he believes right now is that I hate him and I want to be away from him.”

Suga was shocked with the information. How did Yamaguchi hear them?

“Oh, that explains the gift outside the door. He must’ve come to give it that time.” Suga explains how he found a small box right when he was about to go inside the house after bidding Tsukishima goodbye that day. He wondered whom it was from because it didn’t have the sender’s name, but only a small note with a small greeting, congratulating him and daichi on their 2nd anniversary.

“I know I wanted Yamaguchi to avoid and forget me before but now that it’s actually happening, I realized that I was just deceiving myself all along. I don’t want any of that to happen. But now, i already ruined everything.” His voice is shaking as if he was on the verge of crying and if the siver-haired man noticed this, he decided not to point it out.

“Tsukishima, you should tell him the truth. What he knows or what he believes right now is exactly the opposite of what you really feel.”

“But what’s the point? I already hurt him so bad too many times and he probably hates me now. Would he even forgive me?.. and besides, it seems that he already have someone.” Suga was about to tell Tsukishima that there’s no way Yamaguchi can ever hate him but the last part of the blond’s sentence caught his attention. Yamaguchi is seeing someone? Impossible. Although the boy never admitted it before, Suga definitely knows that Tsukishima’s feelings are reciprocated. Yamaguchi loves Tsukishima and he’s sure of that.

“Wait. What do you mean Yamaguchi”s seeing someone?” Suga asked as if the question itself is already absurd.

“When I went to talk to him last night, there was a girl with him at the flower shop. She was really protective of Yamaguchi and even calls him Tadashi.” Tsukishima explains.

“And do this girl have a short blond-hair? Is she smaller than Yamaguchi?”

“Wait, how did you know that Suga-san?” Suga, against his better judgement actually snorted and Tsukishima looked slightly offended for a second before his expression was replaced by confusion. 

“Oh my my, sorry about that Tsukishima but you really are an idiot. That girl is his cousin. Yes, as in Yamaguchi’s cousin. Oh man, I can’t believe you actually thought Yachi-san is dating Yamaguchi.”

To say that Tsukishima was relieved is an understatement. Yamaguchi isn’t seeing anyone at all. And the girl was just protective because Yamaguchi is her cousin. He was still thinking about the information when it suddenly dawned on him that this still doesn’t make his situation any better. So what if Yamaguchi’s not seeing anyone? That’s a completely different story. He still hurt Yamaguchi and the boy probably hates him.

“Okay, but stop with that inner torture Tsukishima. I know you’re probably thinking that this doesn’t change anything right since Yamaguchi still hates you and all that, but trust me. He doesn’t hate you at all. So please give yourself another chance and talk to him. Actually, scratch that. Please give yourself and Yamaguchi another chance. All these misunderstandings between the two of you is so painful to watch so please talk things out okay?” Suga fake groans, but then he becomes serious in split second.

“I mean it Tsukishima. Now go, you’re free for today.” Tsukishima was about to protest but the manager was already waving him off and even Kageyama and Hinata gave him a reassuring smile when he was being dragged by Suga himself out the door.

“You can do it Tsukishima! Don’t come back here unless you and Yamaguchi are finally okay.” He knows that Suga wasn’t actually serious about the last part of the sentence, but Tsukishima already promises to try again this time. And so, with this small flicker of hope but great courage, he made his way to the flower shop once more.  
\--------

Tsukishima promised earlier not to let his nervousness stop him from going to Yamaguchi but now that he’s already in front of the flower shop, it seems as if he lost the ability to move.

‘Come on, just do it Tsukishima Kei. You just have to walk inside and.’ 

“Tsukki?” Tsukishima was stopped from his inner struggle when the person he was looking for was suddenly standing behind his back. 

“I mean, Tsukishima-san. What are you doing here?” it’ll be a lie if Tsukishima say that he wasn’t at least hurt by the cold shoulder he’s getting from Yamaguchi, but now is not the time for that. Tsukishima let go of all his pride and with great determination, he pleaded for Yamaguchi to talk to him.

“Please, Yamaguchi. I swear this is the last time that I’ll bother you. Just please hear me out.” At any occasion, Tsukishima would want to hide in a hole if anyone hears his voice shake like that. Yamaguchi’s eyes widened and he probably saw how badly Tsukishima wanted for Yamaguchi to give him a chance. 

Yamaguchi moved past Tsukishima and the blond was actually scared for a moment but then he realized that the other was just opening the lock. 

“Come in then.” Yamaguchi replied. 

The two of them finally came inside. Yamaguchi offered Tsukishima a seat. 

“Do you want a drink or something?”

“No, I uh. I just want to talk to you”. He was still feeling nervous to speak but nothing’s gonna stop him now.

Yamaguchi sat across from Tsukishima. Although he’s trying to hide it, the blond can definitely see how nervous Yamaguchi is also.

“What is it that you wanna talk about?” He slowly asked.

Tsukishima closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he finally starts.

“At the party, you asked me how I’ve been all these years right? Well, I’ve been missing you so bad...”

Yamaguchi was shocked by the open confession and although his heart is beating rapidly, he still fixed his expression and listened.

“That day when you left for Tokyo, I wasn’t able to say goodbye at least and you know me enough that I will never admit it to anyone but I actually cried that day. I know I’ve always acted all tough and I’ve been mean to you for so many times but I actually did miss you. And the day when I finally got your first letter, I was beyond happy and I was even eager to write back to you as soon as possible but then it was also that day that I decided to secretly follow Akiteru to watch his match.” Tsukishima paused and it is evident to Yamaguchi how the blond’s suddenly a little more tense an sounded even sadder. Akiteru and him are actually in good terms already and have talked things out as well but remembering what happened on THAT day still affects Tsukki. 

“You know how I looked up to him more than anyone else. And so I followed him to watch him play secretly. But.. it was then that I realized that he’s been lying to me all along. Of course I can’t see him among the players at that time because he didn’t even play...” Tsukishima continued with his story regarding Akiteru and seeing Tsukki like this in front of him broke him so bad. Tsukishima was clearly fighting his tears from falling but his voice gave away how painful this is for him.

“Tsukki i’m so sorry. Look, you don’t really need to tell me all this if you don’t want to.”

“No Yamaguchi, I want to. I need to make you understand everything.”

Tsukishima gave Yamaguchi a small smile to reassure him and took a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me but after that incident, I felt really pathetic. I let it get better of me and then I found myself forgetting about your letters. I wasn’t able to reply to any of them at all but you still kept sending them. Later on I realized how horrible I was. You’re so kind Yamaguchi and I felt so bad for how I’ve been treating you. When we were young, you would always stick around me and tell me stories everyday although it’s almost as if it was always you who were talking. You still hung out with me despite how mean I was towards you and you still insisted that I am your friend although I always tell you to shut up. I started to realize that you are too good for me and I really don’t deserve you. And so I thought to myself that maybe if I don’t reply to any of your letters, you will gradually get tired of me at some point and that you’d suddenly stop sending me letters anymore.” 

Yamaguchi wasn’t able to stop the tears from falling from his eyes after learning the real reason why he never got a reply back. 

“but, I thought you hated me. I clearly heared you tell Suga about it. You said you were annoyed that I was still coming to you and that it made you feel uncomfortable.” 

“But you didn’t hear the rest Yamaguchi. I never hated you. I thought I was annoyed at you at some point but then i realized that I was annoyed with myself, not you. I tried so hard to avoid you because I believed it was for the best but I still found myself wanting to be with you. I was frustrated and I actually think I was going crazy. I wanted you away, but I also wanted you near. No actually, it’s not that at all. I now know that I never wanted you gone. I just wanted to convince myself that you shouldn’t be with someone as pathetic and horrible like me. But I am so selfish and I still want to take everything back to how it used to be before. I don’t want you to leave me at all Yamaguchi. There, I said it.” Tsukishima finished as he finally looked up and glanced at Yamaguchi. The said male was speechless though and there were tears running down his cheeks clearly.

“Oh —Yamaguchi, I’m sorry. I mean, I don’t wanna force it or anything. I completely understand if you no longer want to be with me at all. It was just my wishful thinking anyway, I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you the truth and—“

“You never hated me? Tsukki, did you mean everything you said?”

“Yeah, I mean everything. Look, I really am sor—“

Tsukishima was stopped midway when he suddenly had a handful of a crying Yamaguchi Tadashi in his arms. Yamaguchi hugged him tight and Tsukishima almost stopped breathing because this is not the reaction he expected at all. 

“Tsukki I am so sorry. You’ve been hurting all these years and I was not even there for you. I even misunderstood you whenI’m supposed to trust you more than anyone else. If there’s someone awful, that’s definitely me. I am so so sorry Tsukki...Tsukki” 

Tsukishima broke from the hug to see Yamaguchi’s face. He cupped the male’s face as he wiped the tears running down with his thumb.

“No, Yamaguchi please don’t say that. I told you already, I never hated you. And just so you know, you were actually able to be there for me all this time. Your letters always made me feel better. Just because I never sent a reply doesn’t mean I wasn’t reading them. I’m the one who’s sorry. I know this is really selfish of me but I really wish you could forgive me for everything I did.” 

Yamaguchi smiled despite his tears and replied “There’s no need for you to say sorry Tsukki but if you really insist, then I completely forgive you.”

“And Tsukki, you are not pathetic or horrible okay. I understand why felt that but trust me, you are very far from any of that. You are amazing and honestly I’ve always thought how good you are ever since forever. You are strong and your heart is kind. I know we’ve been apart for a long time, but this is something I’m sure of. So please don’t ever say that again Tsukki.”

It was Tsukishima’s turn to hug Yamaguchi and the latter swears, he felt something wet his shoulder. Tsukki was still the same, he wanted to hide his tears but Yamaguchi already know about it. 

Yamaguchi wasn’t able to stop himself from letting out a small giggle that Tsukishima apparently still heard.

“Oi what are you laughing at Yamaguchi?” he asked.

“Nothing Tsukki, you’re just so cute.” Tsukishima knew that the boy was probably smilling as he said those and was about to make a remark but then he decided not to. Instead, he just hugged Yamaguchi tighter. 

“I missed you so much Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi feels so happy and warm all over. Tsukki is back. “I missed you more Tsukki”.

The two were still in their moment when they were suddenly interrupted by someone opening the front door in a hurry.

“Tadashi I’m so sorry for being late again--- wait. Am I interrupting something?” Yachi hesitantly asked, still breathless from her run.

The two males realized the position they were in, and Yamaguchi who was actually in Tsukishima’s lap immediately scrambled to get up.

“N-no you’re not. Nothing’s happening at all! Right Tsukki?” Tsukishima would’ve probably smirk with how Yamaguchi was acting but seriously not in this moment where he is actually a blushing mess as well. They were even redder than Yachi who actually ran her way towards the flower shop.

“Yeah, we’re fine”. 

Yachi turned to Tadashi with a knowing smile before turning to look at Tsukishima who just looked away as if finding the row of flowers neatly arranged at the corner very interesting.

“Okay then, if you say so!” Yachi beams and heads for the backroom to put his things. Before finally closing the d0or, he shot a glance at Yamaguchi and the two cousins seemed to have a silent communication which ended with Yachi giving Tadashi a smile and a barely audible “I’m glad”.

When she finally closed the door, Yamaguchi turned to Tsukki once again.

“So, wanna walk home together later? I can pick you up at the cafe” Yamaguchi asks brightly and Tsukishima thinks how he missed that smile so much.

Tsukishima remembered Suga telling him that he’s free for the rest of the day but then he thought he’ll just go back there to work. He needs to thank Suga anyway, and although he hates (no he actually doesn’t hate it he’s just too embarrassed) to admit it, he also need to thank both Kageyama and Hinata.

“Sure. I’ll wait for you Tadashi” he replies. Tsukishima swears he saw Yamaguchi’s eyes brighten after calling him his first name.

“Now you’re calling me Tadashi huh! Aren’t you bold mister?” Yamaguchi teased.

“Oh I wonder who’s that person who kept insisting of calling me Tsukki, a nickname so familiar and sweet despite me not ever agreeing about it.” Tsukishima countered and this time, Yamaguchi definitely failed to hide how flushed he was.

“Stop teasing Tsukki!”

“You started it though”

They both started to laugh. 

The night came faster and as promised, Yamaguchi did come to pick Tsukki. He just entered the cafe and everyone greeted him in his arrival. He wasn’t able to escape some teasings from them though, especially from Suga who shamelessly announced

“Hey Tsukishima, you’re childhood sweetheart is here to pick you up” 

Yamaguchi spluttered, completely flustered to even react.

Tsukishima later then came out from the back room and despite hearing everything, he acted all cool again trying to hide the erratic beating of his heart. But of course, Yamaguchi knew better than that, and despite not saying anything, Tsukishima’s flushed face still gave away what he truly feels.

The two were still walking home when Yamaguchi noticed that Tsukki seemed to be in deep thought.

“Okay, what is it?” he asked

“What do you mean?” the blond replied, acting oblivious.

“Tsukki, you clearly want to say something.”

‘He really knows me so well’ Tsukishima thought to himself. He smiled a little before looking away and finally asked

“Wanna hang out at my place?” despite him facing the other direction, Yamaguchi can still see how flushed the blond is.

“Of course Tsukki! I’d love to. Do you still have those dinosaur figurines? How about the movie collections? Let’s watch some movies Tsukki!”

Tsukishima flushed even more and he actually groaned which made Yamaguchi laugh.

‘He still have that really adorable laugh’ Tsukishima thought as he glanced at Yamaguchi.

“What Tsukki, are you being shy now? And oh! Does everyone in the coffee shop know how you love dinosaurs? Maybe we could invite them over next time for a movie marathon Tsukki! It would be really fun. Oh my I feel so excited!” Yamaguchi rambled and Tsukishima just thought to himself how much he missed this. It felt as if they were once again their younger selves who were walking home together which consisted of Yamaguchi telling him stories or talking about anything at all. Everything’s so serene and Tsukki feels happy and warm.

“Try telling them about it and I swear I’ll burry you.” Tsukishima says with a fake glare directed at Yamaguchi but the other just laughed at this.

“Oh please! I know you won’t do that, you love me after all Tsukki!” He may not be ready to confess yet but yes, Tsukishima Kei really loves Yamaguchi Tadashi. One day, he’ll surely tell him (and Tsukishima shouldn’t worry because although it’s still not in his knowledge yet, Yamaguchi Tadashi actually feels the same. The feelings are mutual and reciprocated after all)

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

END

**Author's Note:**

> “Urasai Yamaguchi”
> 
> “Gomen, Tsukki!”
> 
> Okay but like seriously, I really find this exchange so endearing and there’s just something about Tsukki and Yams walking home together that makes my heart warmer. Sometimes I just imagine them two on their way home where there’d be some pauses and short silence in between but it isn’t akward at all and they’ll probably enjoy the serenity of the situation and just smile to themselves softly. I also have this image of them walking home together in my head like some sort of a parallel where there is young Tsukkiyama on the right side and present Tsukkiyama on the other. Tsukkiyama never fails to make me love them even more everyday and honestly, I really don’t mind setting aside some home chores I need to do during this short vacation just so that I can write something about them lol. Uni’s starting in less than a month and I really hope that I’ll be able to write my bokuaka fic before that happens.
> 
> Before I end this note, I’ll just give short facts about the flowers used in this story. Pink carnations mean quite a lot of things and one of these is “I’ll never forget you”. As for the purple hyacinths, they mean ‘sorrow’ or “I’m sorry”.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this. If you found some errors, you may tell me in the comments (you may also share your thoughts about the story if you’d like). This is not beta’ed so I’m sorry for some inevitable errors here and there. Once again, thank you so much for reading this and happy valentines day to you <3


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